Taylor Swift is so right about you.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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