i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
