Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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