dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
