he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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