All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize