Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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