Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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