Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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