I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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