it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Girls should come with a carfax report
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
