We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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