Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
