I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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