you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
