So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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