fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Randomize
