Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
