New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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