he thought i was a dude.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
