cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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