There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
