I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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