Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
