the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
