is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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