I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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