i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Randomize
