hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
