I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
It all started with a game of naked twister.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
