It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
