2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
