yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
