Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
