I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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