Please, let me fuck your mom
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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