Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
