If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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