walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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