Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
