She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
