You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
