in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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