I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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