grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
