If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
