So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
