As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
me + whiskey = a bad person
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
