If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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