does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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