There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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