Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
