he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize