So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
