Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
