garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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