im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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