ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
