It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i love accidental penises.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
