Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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