Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
