my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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