i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
