i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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