Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize