i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
