I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
