Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
So much rum. So many feels.
whose parrot is this?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
