The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
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