You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
