my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
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