I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
