At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Is it because I queefed?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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