is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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