I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
