Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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