dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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