i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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