I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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