I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
