i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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