Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize