I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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