Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
