The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize