Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
