I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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