I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
