Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
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