I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
