YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
