So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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