her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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