farters have to be the big spoon...
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
