I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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