My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
